It occurred to me the other day that life changes courses far more often than we see. I mean, sure we make simple every day choices that we believe will lead us somewhere specific; but what happens when you realise that they didn’t? The past 21 months of my life has been, well…to put it politely – an adventure.

After being let-go from my job in January 2009, I chose to make a huge move – figuratively and literally. I chose to go back to graduate school; but in all honesty I did it for lack of a better option, not because I actually wanted a higher degree. Therefore I figured if I was going to subject myself to more tedious school work (of which I have never enjoyed), I might as well do it somewhere I may enjoy. Flash forward a few months, I received my acceptance letter, booked one-way tickets and packed my bags.

On July 10, 2009, I stepped off the plane and onto Australian soil to begin yet another sector of my life. I spent the next few months meeting new people, exploring new places in and around Brisbane, and cracking away on schoolwork. In December, I secured myself a job at a hostel and began to meet more people and learn even more about different cultures and their perspectives on life.

Since then I have experienced more changes of highly personal matters. I have dealt with a series of mishaps…heartbreak – I wont say love but there were significant feelings involved, food and exercise struggles, significant decrease in my value of my self-worth and self-esteem, and finally an unexpected and unwanted interruption of my current path.

So here I am now, in the midst of a collapse of my new life, and I’m unsure again of the next step. I am unsure if I should take the necessary steps to continue this path, or just pack up now and try something new. (I know what I’d like to do…if I could do anything I wanted). But due to a few factors, I believe this path is not in my cards right now – but I do believe I will make it my reality in the future. If only patience was a strength of mine…I’m horrified at the thought of disappointing my family (again) with this news; and the idea that I may choose a new path that may not be completely supported or understood by them.

I’m worried far too much about what others think and not enough about how my actions affect myself. Above all, I am worried about the things that have shaped me in this last period of my life.

I’m not sure I was prepared to be exposed to so much. I’m not sure I can go back. I didn’t know it would affect me so greatly. but I know for sure I can never forget.

My life now, as I have said, is literally in shambles. I am grasping on to anything and anyone that gives me a spark of hope. And as a result, I have been crushed more times than I’d like to admit. I’m glad I was taught to keep a strong facade…keep a smile and the world will smile with you. Now it’s time to figure things out. The facade is fading and the truth is sneaking through. I’ve always been able to get up when i’ve been knocked down. I don’t see any reason for this to change now. I’m done lying to myself and i’m ready to make things right. I don’t yet know how to do this or what will happen from this all, but I do know I’m ready to try. Again, I’m prepared to pick myself back up, brush off the dirt and get it together. I’m ready to put my focus back into those things I love…exercise, nutrition, fashion, adventure and travel…feel free to follow me along my latest ventures as I try to fix my displaced pieces.

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